dammit! i have no will power. i caved. my friend was eating something delicious and i caved. i decided to make a little snack and i ate a whole can of tuna, 1 1/2 packs of Ritz, and a can of peaches. What is wrong with me! im sooo pissed. i feel fat and disgusting im trying to keep myself busy. but its been a zillion years since ive fasted and i suck! i really thought i could do it. i need to restart but its gunna be hard cuz once my bf gets back hes gunna wannna eat and stuff. its hard for me to not eat when i have to cook him dinner.
My evil scale went up 4 pounds, that is impossible, i could not have gained that much. (Lord i hope not!) its always fluctuating but its sooooo unreliable. i need to get a new one asap.
i haaate foood, im never gunna be skinny. i hate it! i hate this disgusting blubber hanging all over the place. i haaaate this. i feel fat in my legs, arms, neck, face, hands. my body is 99% fat! i want fucking visible collar bones and hip bones, is that too much to ask for? ahhhhhhhhh!!!!! foood is the enemy! i hate that it haves all this control over me, why cant i stand up to it. its been manipulating me for 20 yrs. btw, my birthday is in 16 minutes and im sooo not feelin it, ill be 20 yrs old....and fat!!! i haate this. im a slave to food. why cant i escape it its harassing me. i want to press charges.
morbidly depressed.night guys.
Self Control is the only thing standing in the way of who you are and who you deserve to be.
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