I did horrendous on my weekend fast, but I restarted. im feeling refueled and ready to reach my goal weight. Its almost scary how focused I am. Im making myself nervous. scratch that, really nervous. ive been upfront about my eating patterns these last few days and my bf is okay with it. its nice that i have someone to support me.Yesterday, I had an apple and probably 25-30 carrots. Today I had 4 french fries, (my bf was eating them and i caved :( ) an apple, and 25-30 carrots. Idk when the will power arrived, but hopefully its here to stay. I have sooooo much to say, but i might have to keep this short seeing as my bf is sitting on the bed and im pretending to email my mother. hopefully he doesnt get to suspicious. I feel so overwhelmed at times. Ive only been on this "fast" for 2 days and im already scared. i guess im just a punk. i feel uber determined and ive lost 3 pounds since sunday. for me that's excellent, especially in just 2 days. i didnt get a run or the gym in Monday because my partner (bf) had a stomach virus and was throwing up alll day. and i played nurse.
whenever i visit other ana blogs they always talk about how they love that light feeling or how they miss the emptiness of not eating. i totally get it now. I feel ecstatic.like i can do anything. at any given moment. i loove this feeling. i never want it to leave. i feel so happy that im sad. i guess i reached my peak happiness and there was nowhere to go but down. i probably sound totally nonsensical. and im ok with that. .
My plan is to stay on this fast until next monday 10.18.10 hopefully ill be down 10 lbs. but ill settle for 7 or 8.
My fellow, ummm, extreme dieters. do you guys ever get scared about going too far? Anorexia and bulimia are certainly nothing to play with. i wish i could walk away sometimes. but the high is insane. nothing compares. no matter the hunger pains. which surprisingly are very rare...hmm go figure. anyway. despite the hunger pains. headaches. and dizziness. its worth it. i cant wait till i get where i wanna be. where i need to be.
I want to have a sexy bikini on. preferably pink or black. but really as long as it is a bikini, who cares what friggin color it is. i want to be light as a freakin feather. i want to be barely there. i want a space between my thighs. i want beautiful collar bones. that effervescently peak out. i want my thin face back. i want peekaboo cheek bones. i want to put on leggings and a tshirt and absolutely NOTHING jiggle,wiggle or flop. i want to be soooo thin. not scary thin. not 'hospital admittance thin'. but thin. beautifully thin. sexy. happy. carefree. i want to be one of those girls that people say, "omg youre sooo lucky you can eat whatever you want and never gain a pound. i want to be beautiful dammit! i cant wait. ill do whatever it takes. my drive right now is incredible. ive never been more determined in my life. i. swear. to. God.
I think ill post some thinspo soon.
good luck ladies :) oh and i have a NEW follower. thanks beautiful!
Self Control is the only thing standing in the way of who you are and who you deserve to be.
i can usually go about 3 or 4 days before i have to eat something. and by something i mean a 1/4 cup of raw almonds... your body can survive on your fat. it doesn't need food.
ReplyDeleteit can take months for your body to go into starvation mode. just drink lots of water, take your vitamins, and remember how accomplished you'll feel when you go to bed at night empty and wake up with your stomach a little bit flatter :)
I know, you're so right. i need to think about how good ill feel in the morning whenever i get weak. almonds are a good i dea. but i always get most of my calories from small snacks. i guess i think that just because they're tiny (like an almond) they dont have a lot of calories. then i gain 3 lbs. but thanks so much for the advice. it helps knowing that there are supportive people out there.
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