its 6:12 am and i just finished it. it was breath taking. it made me take a look at my demons. the things that drive me to do the things that i do. truth. im scared.
im scared because i cant control everything. im scared because grandma died of breast cancer when i was in seventh grade. im scared because i was molested as a child. im scared because my mom had cancerous tumors when i was in 10th grade. im scared because she was diabetic. im scared because i want her to stay healthy. im scared because i want my mom to live forever. i cant picture my life without her. im scared because my dad is in debt and i think hes struggling. im scared because my aunt is lonely and also in debt. im scared because my sister is overweight. and i used to make fun of her for it. im scared because my bf doesnt always do exactly what i say.im scared because i might not graduate on time. im scared because i might not have a 4.0. im scared because i dont know what the future holds. im scared of a lot of things. im scared because i feel alone. im so scared i never realized it. im scared of my feelings. im scared of feeling anything. my biggest fear is being alone. being without my family. i miss my grandma everyday. i love her so much. i hope she knew that. im scared because i repeatedly make bad decisions. im scared because i lie so much to hide who i really am that im forgetting myself. im scared my bf wont know how to handle me and all my problems. i hate making him worry. im so scared of living and what it has to offer. but im too scared to die. if that makes any sense at all. im glad i read that book. and i hate that i read that stupid fictional book. i dont want to know these things. i dont want to acknowledge the,. i want to lock them up in a place where im strong. i know exactly whats gunna happen. and when. i want everyone to be happy. i want world peace. i dont want. hate or violence. i want everyone to love and be loved. i want us to support each other. i want there to be a classless judgment free society.
this is me. flaws and all.
Self Control is the only thing standing in the way of who you are and who you deserve to be.
yeah there are alot of things that scare ppl that scare us everyday but u cant dwell on them because then u will just b more scared then u were in the beginning
ReplyDeletestay strong hun
i know its just tough for me to admit it. thank you so much for the positive words, you have no idea how much it means to me, love :)
ReplyDeleteWow thank you for opening up, I love you for that. And please know that all these things will make you stronger, and we're always here to help <3
ReplyDelete