Yesterday i had an intake of 300 and i was floating on a fucking cloud. i worked a 10 hr shift then hit the gym for 2 hrs and burned 515 calories. i was elated. i felt sooo good about myself. like i could fly. i love that feeling. i crave that feeling. being empty and hungry is so satisfying. i feel just a tad bit better about myself for doing it. everyone around me is giving into food. and i manage to stay strong. i know, i have a superiority complex. but, none the less, im thrilled. ive lost 3 pounds since sunday. i woke up in the best mood, despite having to come in to work at the crack of dawn. but, the cherry on top was i finally got this months NYLON. only my favorite magazine, in the world. that thing is like THINSPO HEAVEN! and the music is to die for. you girls seriously need to subscribe. you wont regret it, promise.
Today is an entirely different story. Like i said, i woke up in a nice mood. and then something so horrible happend. my job had coffee and DONUTS in the break room. i made the mental note to avoid it at all cost. then, like a robot i just walked in and did the unthinkable. i ate not one, but 2 donuts! i feel lower than ive ever felt. for the first time in my life, i tried to binge. unsuccessfully of course. i barely have anything in my stomach, and nothing would come up.now im sitting in the fitting room and i feel so gross and FAT! i really let myself down. but i made a promise to myself that i would burn atleast 1,000 calories tonight. ill just have to stay 3 hrs instead of 2. ill probably go around 5. by the grace of God i get off at 2, afterwards im going to get a mani and pedi. go home and make a playlist for the gym, and be on the treadmill by 5..ish.
speaking of playlist, what is your favorite music to listen to while working out? so far i have:
Pink-raise your glass
Black eyed peas-imma be
David banner-play
Kanye West-workout plan
katy perry-california girls
Avril
Boys like girls
i need some more kick ass songs to keep me moving.
so pleassseeee give me suggestions, anything helps.
i also wanted to take a minute to say that each and every one of you are wonderfully amazing. i know that older generations say that internet is the cause of the disconnect amongst our generation. but i strongly disagree. on the internet, i managed to find people that i can tell any and everything without fear of being judged. you girls AND guys are a special group of people, dont ever forget it. i love all the positivity and support here. your comments and kind words mean so much to me. for the first time, i feel like someone really gets me, you know? i hope we continue to uplift one another when we need it most. you girls are amazing, i truly mean that. i am a firm believer in karma, and you girls are going to get shit loads, of the good kind of course :)
stay beautiful and unique!
remember im always a comment or email away if you ever wanna talk. i love all 43 of you!
Self Control is the only thing standing in the way of who you are and who you deserve to be.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Day 10 . Finished!
OMG! its finally over. thank God. i feel sooo sleepy. i have finals this week and i havent been taking my vitamins. And the few times i did take them i got really ill because they are supposed to be taken with food. This was definetly the most challenging fast thus far. Not due to hunger pains, which were practically gone after day 2. it was because my body needed the energy. on day 4 i tried working out but 20 or 30 minutes into it i felt so faint i just left the gym all together. I havent been able to stay awake for long periods of time and i stand at work all day. i felt so lethargic all the time. it was awful. but im so proud that i accomplised this.
idk if ive ever said my goal weight, but it was 120. ive decided to change it to 125. right now im 173. its so disgusting. i think ill post a picture tonight. but only if you thin, beautiful girls promise not to poke fun :(. im really insecure about my weight, but arent we all?
Yesterday i joined a new 24 hr gym its the best. and because of the holidays i got a great deal! they offer a lot of classes. i plan on taking, yoga, pilates, and belly dancing. it sounds sooo much fun. its just a really great atmosphere. i got my bf a membership also as an early Xmas present. hes actually trying to gain weight. typical.
On thursday my semester is officially over.im so relieved. ill do nothing but work and work out this entire break. i figure by New Years i can be down atleast 15 or 20 more pounds. Does that sound ridiculous? my bf goes through bouts of worry. i then try to calm him by saying its only temporary blah, blah, blah. it seems to work. he flip flops between supporting me and not. he doesnt want me to get hurt. i keep reassuring him that im absolutely fine.and ive been covering my tracks by telling my parents and friends that ive been going to the gym and watching my diet. everytime thy call i make it a point to say im just walking into the gym or back from a run. so, once they see me they wont be totally shocked at my loss. theyll think im doing in the "right" way.
I want to be in a tiny, tight dress for New Years. havent decided if ill do something with the bf and his fam/friends or go to Vegas with my bestfriend. me and him have had 2 new years together, but this is our first actually being together, in the same state. since im usually home with the family.
I plan on taking my first yoga class on thursday. once finals are done. i even bought some cute new exercise outfits. ill be wearing pink and black :)
im also finally getting to the salon on thursday.
I almost forgot. have you guys seen the previews for Black Swan with Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis? it looks absolutely amazing!! im still a dancer at heart so i have to see it. its only playing in select theatres and the closest one to me is almost 2 hrs away. and since i just got the gym memberships i cant afford the gas and movie tickets. so i wont be able to go. im so bummed! guess thats the sacrifice you make for beauty. i heard it wasnt being released nationally until March of next year. to see if its in your area check out BlackSwan2010.com
so, thats it for me, i hope you girls are doing well :)
all 42 of you!!!
idk if ive ever said my goal weight, but it was 120. ive decided to change it to 125. right now im 173. its so disgusting. i think ill post a picture tonight. but only if you thin, beautiful girls promise not to poke fun :(. im really insecure about my weight, but arent we all?
Yesterday i joined a new 24 hr gym its the best. and because of the holidays i got a great deal! they offer a lot of classes. i plan on taking, yoga, pilates, and belly dancing. it sounds sooo much fun. its just a really great atmosphere. i got my bf a membership also as an early Xmas present. hes actually trying to gain weight. typical.
On thursday my semester is officially over.im so relieved. ill do nothing but work and work out this entire break. i figure by New Years i can be down atleast 15 or 20 more pounds. Does that sound ridiculous? my bf goes through bouts of worry. i then try to calm him by saying its only temporary blah, blah, blah. it seems to work. he flip flops between supporting me and not. he doesnt want me to get hurt. i keep reassuring him that im absolutely fine.and ive been covering my tracks by telling my parents and friends that ive been going to the gym and watching my diet. everytime thy call i make it a point to say im just walking into the gym or back from a run. so, once they see me they wont be totally shocked at my loss. theyll think im doing in the "right" way.
I want to be in a tiny, tight dress for New Years. havent decided if ill do something with the bf and his fam/friends or go to Vegas with my bestfriend. me and him have had 2 new years together, but this is our first actually being together, in the same state. since im usually home with the family.
I plan on taking my first yoga class on thursday. once finals are done. i even bought some cute new exercise outfits. ill be wearing pink and black :)
im also finally getting to the salon on thursday.
I almost forgot. have you guys seen the previews for Black Swan with Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis? it looks absolutely amazing!! im still a dancer at heart so i have to see it. its only playing in select theatres and the closest one to me is almost 2 hrs away. and since i just got the gym memberships i cant afford the gas and movie tickets. so i wont be able to go. im so bummed! guess thats the sacrifice you make for beauty. i heard it wasnt being released nationally until March of next year. to see if its in your area check out BlackSwan2010.com
so, thats it for me, i hope you girls are doing well :)
all 42 of you!!!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Day 4 blurrred.
this week has flewn by in sucha blur! i feel jipped, but atleast the semesters almost over. Sorry, for not posting yesterday. i figured since ive done the 10 day fast just a short while ago that u guys probably didnt wanna see a day by day update....again.
on to other news. i just spent $70 at MAC. i wanted to try their foundation and i got a few brushes. MAC gets me every time. i spend atleast $50 every visit. and the kicker is....i dont even wear make up. well, definetly not on an consistent basis. i wore foundation at prom and i wear mascara like 2 or 3 times a month. so, what do i spend all this money on you may ask. i have no freaking clue.
I need to stop spending money!! the more i spend the less ill have in january when my seasonal position is over. i was doing so good. but its like a domino effect. i spend a little too much one day and then im outta control.
when the fast is over im going to eat one meal a day.
ive chosen a salad probably around noonish
Salad ingredients:
Spinach/Romaine lettuce
boiled egg
cubed ham
cayenne pepper- helps burn fat
and olive oil dressing instead of ranch
i mix the oil w. salt & pepper to add some flavor.
this sounds like a million calories. but probably 200-400, which is pretty good for an entire say.
i figure if i stay on tht meal plan until Jan. 1st and exercise everyday ill lose a good amount. Oh! cant forget about green tea. high in antioxidants and helps speed up metabolism. i know it wont help me drop 10 pounds in a day, but ill take all the help i can get!!
have a beautiful weekend pretty girls, all 42 of you! :)
on to other news. i just spent $70 at MAC. i wanted to try their foundation and i got a few brushes. MAC gets me every time. i spend atleast $50 every visit. and the kicker is....i dont even wear make up. well, definetly not on an consistent basis. i wore foundation at prom and i wear mascara like 2 or 3 times a month. so, what do i spend all this money on you may ask. i have no freaking clue.
I need to stop spending money!! the more i spend the less ill have in january when my seasonal position is over. i was doing so good. but its like a domino effect. i spend a little too much one day and then im outta control.
when the fast is over im going to eat one meal a day.
ive chosen a salad probably around noonish
Salad ingredients:
Spinach/Romaine lettuce
boiled egg
cubed ham
cayenne pepper- helps burn fat
and olive oil dressing instead of ranch
i mix the oil w. salt & pepper to add some flavor.
this sounds like a million calories. but probably 200-400, which is pretty good for an entire say.
i figure if i stay on tht meal plan until Jan. 1st and exercise everyday ill lose a good amount. Oh! cant forget about green tea. high in antioxidants and helps speed up metabolism. i know it wont help me drop 10 pounds in a day, but ill take all the help i can get!!
have a beautiful weekend pretty girls, all 42 of you! :)
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Day 2
im having strong cravings today. cereal and chocolate chip cookies. i know if i can just hold out, tomorrow will be easier. i need to clear my head and everything will be fine. my problems usually arise because i think way too much. and trust me, that is a problem. i can be really over analytical about certain things.
i need to get to the place i was during my last fast. not to toot my own horn, but i did incredible. i didnt have cravings and i felt so strong. where did that girl go, i miss her :(
P.S. today has to be the greatest thinspo day everrr. The Victoria Secret Fashion Show is on right now!! if that doesnt make you stop eating, nothing will :)
i now have another fasting partner, bony bunny. im so excited!!
&& 41 followers, that is freaking amazingg :)
be strong and safe ladies!
i need to get to the place i was during my last fast. not to toot my own horn, but i did incredible. i didnt have cravings and i felt so strong. where did that girl go, i miss her :(
P.S. today has to be the greatest thinspo day everrr. The Victoria Secret Fashion Show is on right now!! if that doesnt make you stop eating, nothing will :)
i now have another fasting partner, bony bunny. im so excited!!
&& 41 followers, that is freaking amazingg :)
be strong and safe ladies!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Day 1 . 4 steps back
i feel like my first 10 day liquid fast was great. i really thought it would train my stomach to want less. but with the stupid holidays i feel like ive taken 4 steps back.
today marks day 1 of my fast and im freaking starving. im at work and the food court is calling my name. i need to be strong. for me the first few days are the hardest. its pretty much down here from there.
as much as i would like to cheat i wont because i have a fasting partner for the first time ever! Teaspoon. she has decided to join me on my journey to skinny :)
so, ill write again tomorrow, hopefully with good news.
remember, i love all 36 of you!
keep up the will power ladies
today marks day 1 of my fast and im freaking starving. im at work and the food court is calling my name. i need to be strong. for me the first few days are the hardest. its pretty much down here from there.
as much as i would like to cheat i wont because i have a fasting partner for the first time ever! Teaspoon. she has decided to join me on my journey to skinny :)
so, ill write again tomorrow, hopefully with good news.
remember, i love all 36 of you!
keep up the will power ladies
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Money tree .
im in a financial crisis. i hate being a college student its horrible on my wallet. i managed to save up $500 and i spent half of it in less than 48 hrs. idk how i even did that. too much shopping and fast food, thats how. oh and i brought my bf call of duty. he was so excited when i gave it to him, it was so cute. but i have a ridiculous credit card bill to pay off and a CNA course that i want to take next summer. which combined is $1600. thats alot of freakin money. i miss being 16 and not having to worry about anything. ive been working since i was 14 but i never really had to. i just loved the indepence. and i have a bad habit with spending. i told myself this time would be different. that i would save every penny so that i wouldnt have to work next semester. a full time job and a third year biology major do not mix well. i mean, up till now ive been doing really well. but VS had a sale and i went into a shopping frenzy. smh at myself.
random. i have like 4 mosquito bites on my legs and i want to peel my skin off, they are so irritating.
and im going back on ny 10 day fast a little sooner than planned. i am disgustes with the amount of food ive consumed this past week and a half. so i need to cleanse my body. i need to be light and empty again. it makes me feel so good. oddly, i havent gained any weight but none the less, i feel soo gross.
have so much to do in so little tine.i have an anatomy test on tuesday tht i havent even begun to study for. ive been so overwhelmed lately. i dont have enough hours in a day to do everything. this job is really time consuming. ive been making to do lists but i never complete them.
as i write this on my phone im sitting in the fitting room at work. i get off i 20 min then off to pull an all nighter. hope i can stay focused, my GPA is riding on this grade :(
over worked and under paid.
remember i love all 34 of you ! :)
be productive ladies.
random. i have like 4 mosquito bites on my legs and i want to peel my skin off, they are so irritating.
and im going back on ny 10 day fast a little sooner than planned. i am disgustes with the amount of food ive consumed this past week and a half. so i need to cleanse my body. i need to be light and empty again. it makes me feel so good. oddly, i havent gained any weight but none the less, i feel soo gross.
have so much to do in so little tine.i have an anatomy test on tuesday tht i havent even begun to study for. ive been so overwhelmed lately. i dont have enough hours in a day to do everything. this job is really time consuming. ive been making to do lists but i never complete them.
as i write this on my phone im sitting in the fitting room at work. i get off i 20 min then off to pull an all nighter. hope i can stay focused, my GPA is riding on this grade :(
over worked and under paid.
remember i love all 34 of you ! :)
be productive ladies.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
dark cloud.
but as always im still looking for that silver lining.
which was easier to find after i went SHOPPING! ♥
i got thee absolute cutest pair of brown and black plain leather boots. with it starting to finally look like winter (w. thee exception of today, 74 degrees) i needed some boots that could stand the weather. i own mostly uggs and the rest are made of some freakish material that cant get wet. soooo, it was the perfect excuse to shop! which i shouldnt because i should be saving for spring break. i want to be on somebodies beach. sunbathing. and drinking til my hearts content. and then a little more.
i have an obsession with spending $$$ its so...addictive. i love lovee love shoes. i have a ridiculous amount. and yet, i can never find the right pair to wear. i also stopped by one of my favorite stores today, Forever XXI. and got a nice little outfit for Thanksgiving. seeing as this will be my first holiday spent with thee boyfriend and his family. im nervous. but i definitely want to look good. im going for dressy casual. a black mini skirt (not too short ), an off the shoulder black and shimmery gold top, and my new black boots. and im going to curl my hair. and top it off with gold accessories i also might add leggings so i dont look like a tramp. ohh and of course i need some good luck. so im painting my nails pink & white. even though it has nothing to do with my color scheme. maybe ill do a neutral color.
it is currently 7pm. i am waiting on my clothes to be free of the dryer. then i have to wash my hair and style it for thursday. and tomorrow i have a full schedule. i have a 8 am class, work 9-6, then straight off to the bf's house. ill be exhausted when i get there. and hopefully too tired to eat.
i wanted to binge sooo badly about 5 minutes ago. i had a subway sandwich earlier. which im sure had a zillion calories. but ive decided to fast until turkey day. i know its only like 28 hrs. but hey, ill take restriction when i can get it. hopefully itll inspire me not to stuff my face with ham and pies.
only a teensy bit of bad news today, i cut. again. dammit! i didnt want to. im lying again. i did. but i held off for a long time. but right before i dashed off to class. i just started carving away. i feel much better now. hopefully by staying busy i wont feel depressed or hungry anytime soon.
my roommate is the thinnest woman on earth. shes probably 5'1 and her collar bones are to die for. she a marvel. and eats like 2 grown men. typical. i envy her genes! shell be my thinspo for now.
And if she doesnt work Minak Kelly definitely will.
Remember,
i love all 31 of you!
Stay strong Dolls ♥
which was easier to find after i went SHOPPING! ♥
i got thee absolute cutest pair of brown and black plain leather boots. with it starting to finally look like winter (w. thee exception of today, 74 degrees) i needed some boots that could stand the weather. i own mostly uggs and the rest are made of some freakish material that cant get wet. soooo, it was the perfect excuse to shop! which i shouldnt because i should be saving for spring break. i want to be on somebodies beach. sunbathing. and drinking til my hearts content. and then a little more.
i have an obsession with spending $$$ its so...addictive. i love lovee love shoes. i have a ridiculous amount. and yet, i can never find the right pair to wear. i also stopped by one of my favorite stores today, Forever XXI. and got a nice little outfit for Thanksgiving. seeing as this will be my first holiday spent with thee boyfriend and his family. im nervous. but i definitely want to look good. im going for dressy casual. a black mini skirt (not too short ), an off the shoulder black and shimmery gold top, and my new black boots. and im going to curl my hair. and top it off with gold accessories i also might add leggings so i dont look like a tramp. ohh and of course i need some good luck. so im painting my nails pink & white. even though it has nothing to do with my color scheme. maybe ill do a neutral color.
it is currently 7pm. i am waiting on my clothes to be free of the dryer. then i have to wash my hair and style it for thursday. and tomorrow i have a full schedule. i have a 8 am class, work 9-6, then straight off to the bf's house. ill be exhausted when i get there. and hopefully too tired to eat.
i wanted to binge sooo badly about 5 minutes ago. i had a subway sandwich earlier. which im sure had a zillion calories. but ive decided to fast until turkey day. i know its only like 28 hrs. but hey, ill take restriction when i can get it. hopefully itll inspire me not to stuff my face with ham and pies.
only a teensy bit of bad news today, i cut. again. dammit! i didnt want to. im lying again. i did. but i held off for a long time. but right before i dashed off to class. i just started carving away. i feel much better now. hopefully by staying busy i wont feel depressed or hungry anytime soon.
my roommate is the thinnest woman on earth. shes probably 5'1 and her collar bones are to die for. she a marvel. and eats like 2 grown men. typical. i envy her genes! shell be my thinspo for now.
And if she doesnt work Minak Kelly definitely will.
i love all 31 of you!
Stay strong Dolls ♥
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