hi beautiful ladies and gents.
yesterday was soooo good and today is even better.
yesterday's intake: two low fat strawberry yogurts =340 cals.
buuuut i didnt go to the gym. so technically i wont lose a significant amount. ill just maintain.
today's intake: ZERO ! and its 4:30 p.m.
once again i didnt go to the gym this morning seeing as i was up till 4:30 cutting my roommates hair, doing my hair, and then we chatted for like 2 hrs. i love her shes seriously th best. and shes soooo thin. shes only 5'1 and 90 lbs. so shes so petite and fragile. id kill to have her waist and thigh gap. but that is a discussion for another time. im going to go to the gym after gossip girl goes off and burn at least 1,000 cals.
my current weight: 174.4. (fully clothed)
thats a 5.5 lb weight lost in 4 days!!!
seeing as its Day 4 of my super low cal diet. and Day 1 of my intense six week program. im really excited to be seeing results so soon. for the next six days i will continue the low cal diet. staying under 500. and from then on out ill start my high protein diet.
a few of the things im picking up are:
blueberries
hummus ( i hope its good )
bagles
lots and lots of eggs
possibly a protein mix
cherry tomatoes
lettuce
skinless chicken breast
and another lean meat
im going to eat lettuce wraps and spinach salads. and snack on fruits and veggies in between. im also thinking about having a protein shake once a day. im really trying to tone and build muscle and have well defined abs.
since my stomach is so flabby, im going to concentrate on cardio before i start toning my abs, but ill continue toning my arms. im really starting to see some results there. i can wait to have then strong arms.
my workout consists of:
squats
push ups
planks
this super strenuous ab work out
air alert III (mostly for male basketball players to help them get a higher vertical leap, but i want to increase my jumps for cheer so im going to give it a try. my bf has done it in high school and hes doing it now. he thinks im soo weird for wanting to do it lol)
but on to the reason i was posting in the first place. id love to have a few buddies. just some encouraging words and a non judgemental person to talk to when you're feelin weak. we can keep each other motivated and focused. hopefully itll be harder to quit when you know you have someone depending on you. we can either text or email. whichever you're more comfortable with. ive had one buddy in the past, an old friend from high school. we would text each other through the day. wed send each other thinspo or things that were trying to achieve. like, "remember, only __ calories today so you can get that thigh gap." you get the idea. anyway, i think it'd be neat. let me know if you're interested.
im sooo motivated guys. im going to succeed. besides, whats Six weeks of a little hard work for a lifetime of skinny :)
Self Control is the only thing standing in the way of who you are and who you deserve to be.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
new day, new beginnings.
& another shot at success.
these last few pounds that i regained are slowly but surely shedding off. of course, they're taking their sweet ass time. but atleast they'll be gone soon. i still have not done my chem hw and im blogging once again. i think im turning into a blogaholic. and these posts have all been rubbish. im just rambling about nothingness. I have 40 days left before my friend comes to visit. i havent set a goal weight because im scared that i wont make it. but ive decided to take the risk. maybe seeing it here will be shame enough to actually accomplish something for once. seeing that i have 40 days. if i work out 6 days a week from 60-90 minutes.burning a minimum of 500 cals. stay under 500 cals per day. and throw in a 10 day fast along the way. i think 160 is reasonable. thats 17 pounds. i think i can do it. omg getting to 160 would be amazing. its so pathetic id never thought id weigh this much. but anyway no time for complaining.
you lovely angels stay strong. your kind words keep me going in my darkest hours.
these last few pounds that i regained are slowly but surely shedding off. of course, they're taking their sweet ass time. but atleast they'll be gone soon. i still have not done my chem hw and im blogging once again. i think im turning into a blogaholic. and these posts have all been rubbish. im just rambling about nothingness. I have 40 days left before my friend comes to visit. i havent set a goal weight because im scared that i wont make it. but ive decided to take the risk. maybe seeing it here will be shame enough to actually accomplish something for once. seeing that i have 40 days. if i work out 6 days a week from 60-90 minutes.burning a minimum of 500 cals. stay under 500 cals per day. and throw in a 10 day fast along the way. i think 160 is reasonable. thats 17 pounds. i think i can do it. omg getting to 160 would be amazing. its so pathetic id never thought id weigh this much. but anyway no time for complaining.
you lovely angels stay strong. your kind words keep me going in my darkest hours.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
stir crazy.
i think i did well today. although i ate skimpy meals and snacks im sure my calories are through the roof.
Breakfast:
yogurt (170 cals)
boiled egg (80 cals)
half apple (50 cals)
300 cals total.
Dinner:
peaches (300 cals)
noodles (150?)
yogurt (170)
620 cals total.
ive consumed 920 cals. and i barely ate anything. ive lost 2 pounds today. which still sucks. because i had a 3 pound gain yesterday! im soooo frustrated. its almost sunday so hopefully i wont have anymore cravings. i officially have NO more food in my house. well nothing binge worthy. i have some canned peaches and yogurt. which are soo unhealthy. i need fresh fruit.
im really discouraged right now. i need to pull myself up by my boot straps and get to work. i have been horrible this week. NO gym time. but low cals. and no lost other than today. i have soo much homework and studying to do. but all i can do is count calories and think of ways to lose weight faster. im being so unproductive right now. my online chem hw is due tomorrow and im blogging. wtf is wrong with this picture?!
i start my 6 week program on monday. im going to really work at it and give my all and by March 13th im praying that i see some kick ass results. wish me luck ladies.
Breakfast:
yogurt (170 cals)
boiled egg (80 cals)
half apple (50 cals)
300 cals total.
Dinner:
peaches (300 cals)
noodles (150?)
yogurt (170)
620 cals total.
ive consumed 920 cals. and i barely ate anything. ive lost 2 pounds today. which still sucks. because i had a 3 pound gain yesterday! im soooo frustrated. its almost sunday so hopefully i wont have anymore cravings. i officially have NO more food in my house. well nothing binge worthy. i have some canned peaches and yogurt. which are soo unhealthy. i need fresh fruit.
im really discouraged right now. i need to pull myself up by my boot straps and get to work. i have been horrible this week. NO gym time. but low cals. and no lost other than today. i have soo much homework and studying to do. but all i can do is count calories and think of ways to lose weight faster. im being so unproductive right now. my online chem hw is due tomorrow and im blogging. wtf is wrong with this picture?!
i start my 6 week program on monday. im going to really work at it and give my all and by March 13th im praying that i see some kick ass results. wish me luck ladies.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Quick post.
Just a few words.
my weight has been so weird this past week. i was progressively losing for a while and then all of a sudden it just stopped. my bf told me its because im gaining muscle which is heavier than fat. if that's the case, im thoroughly pissed. he says i should be happy. since my arms are much more defined than they used to be. but gaining weight is the exact opposite of what im trying to do. im going to start a six week program hopefully ill see some results. mostly abs, cardio, and core strengthening. i really want to be skinny. but i also want to be healthy and strong. i want to be beautiful. lol im such a cliche.
hope this is as inspirational to you as it is to me.
"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons." - Jim Rohn
stay skinny & always positive :)
my weight has been so weird this past week. i was progressively losing for a while and then all of a sudden it just stopped. my bf told me its because im gaining muscle which is heavier than fat. if that's the case, im thoroughly pissed. he says i should be happy. since my arms are much more defined than they used to be. but gaining weight is the exact opposite of what im trying to do. im going to start a six week program hopefully ill see some results. mostly abs, cardio, and core strengthening. i really want to be skinny. but i also want to be healthy and strong. i want to be beautiful. lol im such a cliche.
hope this is as inspirational to you as it is to me.
"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons." - Jim Rohn
stay skinny & always positive :)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
life didnt deal us a bad hand.
im guilty of this thought process. and im sure a lot of you are too. but it isnt true. life didnt decide to fuck with us and destroy our self esteems. we did that or we gave the power to someone else. its the nature of people to see things as right or wrong. black or right. victim and culprit. but, unfortunately. we are the culrpit in this scenario. we have raped our self image and destroyed any possibly of repairing it in the immediate future. but we CAN repair it. it'll just take a little work and a lot of love...for ourselves. sound insane right?
i constantly berate my self for eating. for doing something that we need to do to SURVIVE. what made me this way. im trying to think back to the day when i first became aware of my many flaws and im drawing a blank. i dont think it happened over night. i think there was always a little voice inside that told me i wasnt good enough. pretty enough. smart enough. thin enough. i started this journey of self destruction a long time ago. i made myself feel better about the cutting. starving. extreme exercise. everything. by telling myself i needed to do it to be comfortable. because i was scared of what people thought about me. scared that they hated me. in all reality i was scared of myself. i hated myself. i was my own victim. there's like a separate entity within me. ironic, right? how can i be so scared of myself. i mean come on now. i know i have a flare for the dramatics. but its true. my biggest fear is myself. im scared to let myself down. to accept failure. to ever give myself a break. im constantly under attack. i hardly ever give myself a pat on the back for the little things.
i dont know where the sudden enlightenment came from. maybe its exhaustion. im tired of the inadequacy. shame. disgust. i shouldnt feel this way towards myself. i mean, im going to be stuck with me for the next 70 or so years...hopefully. i might as well try to make this an enjoyable time.
i want to be healthy. i want to one day be able to not disect every calories in every morsel i think about putting into my mouth. i dont want to cry everytime i look at myself naked. i want to be confident and sexy. i want to be able to make eye contact with my bf when he tells me im beautiful. i want to believe him. desperately. i just want to be happy. i spend so much of my time thinking about other people. helping other people. but i never help myself. im going to do my best from this day forward to say atleast one positive thing about myself. im going to work harder than ever. in school. in every aspect of my life. im tired of being an under achiever. i always hear how i have soooo much potential. well its time to cash that baby in. no more excuses. no more denial. i will make my life better.
im going to continue to go to the gym 6 days a week. regardless of how groggy i feel at 9 am. im going to cut meat out of 90 % of my diet. im going to eat healthier. and eat for sustenance not for calories. im going to stay below 1000. that may not be uber healthy. but thats good for me. because despite my weight i dont have a large appetite. i just have a sometimes uncontrollable need to binge. its quite ridiculous.
i hate to be a hypocrite. to post this self inspiring memo. then completely ignore it tomorrow. im honestly going to pray that that wont happen. im going to encourage myself to be my very best. i know i sound like a commercial. but its whats best for me. this cycle of down 2lbs up 5 has to END!! i dont have the mental strength to do this forever. i need a light at the end of the tunnel. and i think this is it.
now i am off to take my statistics test. im down right scared. but ive truly been working hard, studying, and turning in all my assignments. despite my ADD ive been paying attention in class also. i will speak positivity into existence. i will ACE this final. fingers crossed.
i hope you girls have a magnificent day. i certainly will try.
Stay Strong & Positive.
Im sending so many good thoughts and wishes to you all :)
i constantly berate my self for eating. for doing something that we need to do to SURVIVE. what made me this way. im trying to think back to the day when i first became aware of my many flaws and im drawing a blank. i dont think it happened over night. i think there was always a little voice inside that told me i wasnt good enough. pretty enough. smart enough. thin enough. i started this journey of self destruction a long time ago. i made myself feel better about the cutting. starving. extreme exercise. everything. by telling myself i needed to do it to be comfortable. because i was scared of what people thought about me. scared that they hated me. in all reality i was scared of myself. i hated myself. i was my own victim. there's like a separate entity within me. ironic, right? how can i be so scared of myself. i mean come on now. i know i have a flare for the dramatics. but its true. my biggest fear is myself. im scared to let myself down. to accept failure. to ever give myself a break. im constantly under attack. i hardly ever give myself a pat on the back for the little things.
i dont know where the sudden enlightenment came from. maybe its exhaustion. im tired of the inadequacy. shame. disgust. i shouldnt feel this way towards myself. i mean, im going to be stuck with me for the next 70 or so years...hopefully. i might as well try to make this an enjoyable time.
i want to be healthy. i want to one day be able to not disect every calories in every morsel i think about putting into my mouth. i dont want to cry everytime i look at myself naked. i want to be confident and sexy. i want to be able to make eye contact with my bf when he tells me im beautiful. i want to believe him. desperately. i just want to be happy. i spend so much of my time thinking about other people. helping other people. but i never help myself. im going to do my best from this day forward to say atleast one positive thing about myself. im going to work harder than ever. in school. in every aspect of my life. im tired of being an under achiever. i always hear how i have soooo much potential. well its time to cash that baby in. no more excuses. no more denial. i will make my life better.
im going to continue to go to the gym 6 days a week. regardless of how groggy i feel at 9 am. im going to cut meat out of 90 % of my diet. im going to eat healthier. and eat for sustenance not for calories. im going to stay below 1000. that may not be uber healthy. but thats good for me. because despite my weight i dont have a large appetite. i just have a sometimes uncontrollable need to binge. its quite ridiculous.
i hate to be a hypocrite. to post this self inspiring memo. then completely ignore it tomorrow. im honestly going to pray that that wont happen. im going to encourage myself to be my very best. i know i sound like a commercial. but its whats best for me. this cycle of down 2lbs up 5 has to END!! i dont have the mental strength to do this forever. i need a light at the end of the tunnel. and i think this is it.
now i am off to take my statistics test. im down right scared. but ive truly been working hard, studying, and turning in all my assignments. despite my ADD ive been paying attention in class also. i will speak positivity into existence. i will ACE this final. fingers crossed.
i hope you girls have a magnificent day. i certainly will try.
Stay Strong & Positive.
Im sending so many good thoughts and wishes to you all :)
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Taco Bell
so my bf is told me that Taco bell is getting sued because they advertise that they use 100% beef when in actuality their packages say 35% beef and the rest is "meat filler". that is disgusting. but thee worst part is after hearing that i ate taco bell. two hard tacos. they were soo good. and it probably took 2 years off my life expectancy.
my bf got me the cutest engagement ring!!! im sooo excited! its absolutely beautiful.he couldnt wait til V day so he gave it to me now. typical. hes so impatient lol. ive been staring at it all day.
i didnt go to the gym this morning. i know im such a cunt. and i wont go tomorrow because i have sooo much studying to do for my big stats test manana. and i've gained weight. those damn tacos. but other than that i havent had any meals in 3 days. ive only had green tea and snacks. what the fuck is wrong with my body. maybe its gone into starvation mode. ughhh!!!!!!!! im soooo frustrated. im trying really hard here. why wont my body cooperate. i need to look amazing by the time my friend gets here. i feel like crying. all this studying makes me nervous and anxious. whichmakes me want to snack. i cant win for losing. its not enough that im starving myself. but im starving AND gaining weight. FML
id also like to thank the lovely ladies that commented on my last post. im going to try to pick up some of the things you guys suggested. thanks :)
my bf got me the cutest engagement ring!!! im sooo excited! its absolutely beautiful.he couldnt wait til V day so he gave it to me now. typical. hes so impatient lol. ive been staring at it all day.
i didnt go to the gym this morning. i know im such a cunt. and i wont go tomorrow because i have sooo much studying to do for my big stats test manana. and i've gained weight. those damn tacos. but other than that i havent had any meals in 3 days. ive only had green tea and snacks. what the fuck is wrong with my body. maybe its gone into starvation mode. ughhh!!!!!!!! im soooo frustrated. im trying really hard here. why wont my body cooperate. i need to look amazing by the time my friend gets here. i feel like crying. all this studying makes me nervous and anxious. whichmakes me want to snack. i cant win for losing. its not enough that im starving myself. but im starving AND gaining weight. FML
id also like to thank the lovely ladies that commented on my last post. im going to try to pick up some of the things you guys suggested. thanks :)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
green tea.
today i was doing good. i woke up at 10 and went to the gym then was in class from 1-7. i love tuesdays. they're my busiest so that means....no time for food!!! until i get home :(.
i had a roll of ritz crackers and like 20 or 30 cheez-its. im sure thats like 300 cals...at least. i suuuckkkkk.
now im about to drink some green tea with honey while i study for my stats test on thursday. hopefully its sits well with my tummy. the last time i drank it i was vomitting. but i know its good for skin and metabolism. im going to try to gulp it down.
there was a lot of good things about today:
GREAT hair day
nice outfit
i applied for a job in the student center at my school
and my room is nice and tidy :)
i have a question, how do you guys like your tea and what are your favorite low cal snacks??
i hope you guys have a lovely day.
i had a roll of ritz crackers and like 20 or 30 cheez-its. im sure thats like 300 cals...at least. i suuuckkkkk.
now im about to drink some green tea with honey while i study for my stats test on thursday. hopefully its sits well with my tummy. the last time i drank it i was vomitting. but i know its good for skin and metabolism. im going to try to gulp it down.
there was a lot of good things about today:
GREAT hair day
nice outfit
i applied for a job in the student center at my school
and my room is nice and tidy :)
i have a question, how do you guys like your tea and what are your favorite low cal snacks??
i hope you guys have a lovely day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)