my stomach is growling, i want something sweet and fattening, and i want a burrito. maybe ill go pick up something from subway after i finish during my hair. i havent eaten anything today. ive been doing really good this past week and i lost 4 lbs. im thrilled, its nice to know that my hours upon hours at the gym are finally paying off.
school is going well, its only the third week, but still. i love all my professors and classes. i can already tell Chemistry and stats are going to be the most difficult, obviously.
im watching knocked up. still as funny as the first time i saw it. its a freaking classic.
i want to lose 5 more pounds by the 22. wish me luck ladies :)
im sending positive vibes to all 53 of you!!
Self Control is the only thing standing in the way of who you are and who you deserve to be.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
thanks are in order..once again :)
Me and the bf are back on good terms, or atleast getting there.
you guys are phenomenal!!1 like, seriously! idk what i would do without you. all of you that commented are sooo sweet. But i should know by now that you girls are amazinggg :)
For all of you who havent seen Black Swan, you have to go. & i think im going to start fasting today.
my email is : marsh.sara@rocketmail.com
I just attempted the salt water flush. it was horrid. i drank half a cup and about 10 minutes later i was vomiting all over the place. i have a really sensitive stomach, but i thought i could take it. apparently. i was wrong. maybe ill try a laxative tea? or just a laxative? any suggestions?
yesterday&today. ive had a snow day. all schools and businesses have been closed. its soooo much fun. me and the bf have been cuddling and watching movies and discovered a new tv show. prison break. looove it. and the fact that the lead actor is beyondddddd gorgeous doesnt hurt either. the only downside about this mini vaca is that i havent gone to the gym in 3 days in a row. i dont go on sundays. but i wasnt expecting to skip these last two days. its throwing my routine out of wack.
i just wanted to make a quick post to say thank you, your kind words made me smile. lately, i need every smile i can get :)
you guys are phenomenal!!1 like, seriously! idk what i would do without you. all of you that commented are sooo sweet. But i should know by now that you girls are amazinggg :)
For all of you who havent seen Black Swan, you have to go. & i think im going to start fasting today.
my email is : marsh.sara@rocketmail.com
I just attempted the salt water flush. it was horrid. i drank half a cup and about 10 minutes later i was vomiting all over the place. i have a really sensitive stomach, but i thought i could take it. apparently. i was wrong. maybe ill try a laxative tea? or just a laxative? any suggestions?
yesterday&today. ive had a snow day. all schools and businesses have been closed. its soooo much fun. me and the bf have been cuddling and watching movies and discovered a new tv show. prison break. looove it. and the fact that the lead actor is beyondddddd gorgeous doesnt hurt either. the only downside about this mini vaca is that i havent gone to the gym in 3 days in a row. i dont go on sundays. but i wasnt expecting to skip these last two days. its throwing my routine out of wack.
i just wanted to make a quick post to say thank you, your kind words made me smile. lately, i need every smile i can get :)
Saturday, January 8, 2011
fights&food.
And not necessarily in that order.
i feeel sick. both emotionally and physically. me and the bf are fighting horrribly. i made myself a drink and got pretty tipsy. then i got a pizza and ate almost the whole thing. after i had such a awonderful day at the gym this morning. ughhhhh!!!! im sabotaging myself. why????? i must not really want to be skinny. maybe i think i cant handle it. for the first time in a while i didnt cut because of my emotions. but i ate and drank.and ate some more. i had 2 bowls of cereal and half a pizza today. that pizza fucked up my intake for the day.
but on the bright side im doing the salt water flush in the morning and goin to try a 7 day fast. its been a while since ive done one. and im scared i wont be able to stick to it. finger crossed.
i really want to purge. im a binger. but have never purged in my life. i hate this fat in my stomach. i dont want to be full of pepperonis and cheese. i want to be light and feathery. and i think im lactose intolerant. i never was before but i get such an upset stomach when i eat dairy.
Oh, i saw Black Swan yesterday. one word. unforgettable. i could totally relate to nina. but it is a complete mind fuck. youll leave the theatre confused, scared, and happy. all at the same time. i loved it and definetly want to see it again. im sure there were 100 things that went over my head.
i am watching Everybody loves Raymond. and i can not stop laughing. he is so hilarious. ive loved this show since it first premiered. anywho, i hope you ladies have a great day, and even greater nights!
ilove all 51 of you!
i feeel sick. both emotionally and physically. me and the bf are fighting horrribly. i made myself a drink and got pretty tipsy. then i got a pizza and ate almost the whole thing. after i had such a awonderful day at the gym this morning. ughhhhh!!!! im sabotaging myself. why????? i must not really want to be skinny. maybe i think i cant handle it. for the first time in a while i didnt cut because of my emotions. but i ate and drank.and ate some more. i had 2 bowls of cereal and half a pizza today. that pizza fucked up my intake for the day.
but on the bright side im doing the salt water flush in the morning and goin to try a 7 day fast. its been a while since ive done one. and im scared i wont be able to stick to it. finger crossed.
i really want to purge. im a binger. but have never purged in my life. i hate this fat in my stomach. i dont want to be full of pepperonis and cheese. i want to be light and feathery. and i think im lactose intolerant. i never was before but i get such an upset stomach when i eat dairy.
Oh, i saw Black Swan yesterday. one word. unforgettable. i could totally relate to nina. but it is a complete mind fuck. youll leave the theatre confused, scared, and happy. all at the same time. i loved it and definetly want to see it again. im sure there were 100 things that went over my head.
i am watching Everybody loves Raymond. and i can not stop laughing. he is so hilarious. ive loved this show since it first premiered. anywho, i hope you ladies have a great day, and even greater nights!
ilove all 51 of you!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Refreshed.
i hate that i have been absent for so long. but i really needed the time to recuperate. i honestly was driving myself crazy. and i didnt feel it was right to drag you guys down with depressing anecdotes. but now im back and ready to start again. the second semester of schhol starts on Wednesday. and im very nervous. theres so much i need to get done. i need to get straight A's. im going to need to focus and harness some control. i cant sleep and slack like i did last semester. i did horrible, to say the least. sooo inevitably in my depression, i drowned my self in high calorie foods and little exercise, if at all. but i was conscious of the impact of my decision the entire time. if that makes any sense... i knew id be mad at myself for gaining my weight back. but i did it anyway. im not sure why. a part of me likes to fail....it gives me this weird motivation. strange huh?
im going to speak with my academic advisor tomorrow morning. fix my schedule. then im going to type up and print out a very detailed schedule for the semester. every little detail will be in black and white. studying, sleeping, gym, my tv shows, everything. i work so much better when im on a tight schedule. i need to force myself to focus. i dont want to be in school for the rest of my life. i need to get this together. i have a younger sibling and cousins that i need to set a positive example for. i got caught up in being on my own and i seriously slacked. the biggest sacrifice ill have to make is time with the bf. were always at the movie, mall, dinner, basically antyhing but studying. were serious under achievers. well i guess him ore so than me. he was on honor roll all throughout high school. and maintained a 3.5 gpa the first two years of college. but we got comfortable and put studying on the back burner. that has to stop.
on a positive note. ill be starting the gym again on wednesday after a 10 days. im sure the cardio will be the toughest. but im looking forward to it. i need to lose this weight. i still havent done my salt water flush. i want to do it tomorrow but i have to go talk to my counselor. maybe ill wake up extra early and do it. but i dont want to be in her office and then have to go to the bathroom. that would be awful. i wake up at 5 am and do it. that should give me plenty of time, hopefully.
i hope all of you guys are doing wonderfully, you all deserve it. :)
im going to speak with my academic advisor tomorrow morning. fix my schedule. then im going to type up and print out a very detailed schedule for the semester. every little detail will be in black and white. studying, sleeping, gym, my tv shows, everything. i work so much better when im on a tight schedule. i need to force myself to focus. i dont want to be in school for the rest of my life. i need to get this together. i have a younger sibling and cousins that i need to set a positive example for. i got caught up in being on my own and i seriously slacked. the biggest sacrifice ill have to make is time with the bf. were always at the movie, mall, dinner, basically antyhing but studying. were serious under achievers. well i guess him ore so than me. he was on honor roll all throughout high school. and maintained a 3.5 gpa the first two years of college. but we got comfortable and put studying on the back burner. that has to stop.
on a positive note. ill be starting the gym again on wednesday after a 10 days. im sure the cardio will be the toughest. but im looking forward to it. i need to lose this weight. i still havent done my salt water flush. i want to do it tomorrow but i have to go talk to my counselor. maybe ill wake up extra early and do it. but i dont want to be in her office and then have to go to the bathroom. that would be awful. i wake up at 5 am and do it. that should give me plenty of time, hopefully.
i hope all of you guys are doing wonderfully, you all deserve it. :)
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Yesterday was amazing . today is horrible
Yesterday i had an intake of 300 and i was floating on a fucking cloud. i worked a 10 hr shift then hit the gym for 2 hrs and burned 515 calories. i was elated. i felt sooo good about myself. like i could fly. i love that feeling. i crave that feeling. being empty and hungry is so satisfying. i feel just a tad bit better about myself for doing it. everyone around me is giving into food. and i manage to stay strong. i know, i have a superiority complex. but, none the less, im thrilled. ive lost 3 pounds since sunday. i woke up in the best mood, despite having to come in to work at the crack of dawn. but, the cherry on top was i finally got this months NYLON. only my favorite magazine, in the world. that thing is like THINSPO HEAVEN! and the music is to die for. you girls seriously need to subscribe. you wont regret it, promise.
Today is an entirely different story. Like i said, i woke up in a nice mood. and then something so horrible happend. my job had coffee and DONUTS in the break room. i made the mental note to avoid it at all cost. then, like a robot i just walked in and did the unthinkable. i ate not one, but 2 donuts! i feel lower than ive ever felt. for the first time in my life, i tried to binge. unsuccessfully of course. i barely have anything in my stomach, and nothing would come up.now im sitting in the fitting room and i feel so gross and FAT! i really let myself down. but i made a promise to myself that i would burn atleast 1,000 calories tonight. ill just have to stay 3 hrs instead of 2. ill probably go around 5. by the grace of God i get off at 2, afterwards im going to get a mani and pedi. go home and make a playlist for the gym, and be on the treadmill by 5..ish.
speaking of playlist, what is your favorite music to listen to while working out? so far i have:
Pink-raise your glass
Black eyed peas-imma be
David banner-play
Kanye West-workout plan
katy perry-california girls
Avril
Boys like girls
i need some more kick ass songs to keep me moving.
so pleassseeee give me suggestions, anything helps.
i also wanted to take a minute to say that each and every one of you are wonderfully amazing. i know that older generations say that internet is the cause of the disconnect amongst our generation. but i strongly disagree. on the internet, i managed to find people that i can tell any and everything without fear of being judged. you girls AND guys are a special group of people, dont ever forget it. i love all the positivity and support here. your comments and kind words mean so much to me. for the first time, i feel like someone really gets me, you know? i hope we continue to uplift one another when we need it most. you girls are amazing, i truly mean that. i am a firm believer in karma, and you girls are going to get shit loads, of the good kind of course :)
stay beautiful and unique!
remember im always a comment or email away if you ever wanna talk. i love all 43 of you!
Today is an entirely different story. Like i said, i woke up in a nice mood. and then something so horrible happend. my job had coffee and DONUTS in the break room. i made the mental note to avoid it at all cost. then, like a robot i just walked in and did the unthinkable. i ate not one, but 2 donuts! i feel lower than ive ever felt. for the first time in my life, i tried to binge. unsuccessfully of course. i barely have anything in my stomach, and nothing would come up.now im sitting in the fitting room and i feel so gross and FAT! i really let myself down. but i made a promise to myself that i would burn atleast 1,000 calories tonight. ill just have to stay 3 hrs instead of 2. ill probably go around 5. by the grace of God i get off at 2, afterwards im going to get a mani and pedi. go home and make a playlist for the gym, and be on the treadmill by 5..ish.
speaking of playlist, what is your favorite music to listen to while working out? so far i have:
Pink-raise your glass
Black eyed peas-imma be
David banner-play
Kanye West-workout plan
katy perry-california girls
Avril
Boys like girls
i need some more kick ass songs to keep me moving.
so pleassseeee give me suggestions, anything helps.
i also wanted to take a minute to say that each and every one of you are wonderfully amazing. i know that older generations say that internet is the cause of the disconnect amongst our generation. but i strongly disagree. on the internet, i managed to find people that i can tell any and everything without fear of being judged. you girls AND guys are a special group of people, dont ever forget it. i love all the positivity and support here. your comments and kind words mean so much to me. for the first time, i feel like someone really gets me, you know? i hope we continue to uplift one another when we need it most. you girls are amazing, i truly mean that. i am a firm believer in karma, and you girls are going to get shit loads, of the good kind of course :)
stay beautiful and unique!
remember im always a comment or email away if you ever wanna talk. i love all 43 of you!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Day 10 . Finished!
OMG! its finally over. thank God. i feel sooo sleepy. i have finals this week and i havent been taking my vitamins. And the few times i did take them i got really ill because they are supposed to be taken with food. This was definetly the most challenging fast thus far. Not due to hunger pains, which were practically gone after day 2. it was because my body needed the energy. on day 4 i tried working out but 20 or 30 minutes into it i felt so faint i just left the gym all together. I havent been able to stay awake for long periods of time and i stand at work all day. i felt so lethargic all the time. it was awful. but im so proud that i accomplised this.
idk if ive ever said my goal weight, but it was 120. ive decided to change it to 125. right now im 173. its so disgusting. i think ill post a picture tonight. but only if you thin, beautiful girls promise not to poke fun :(. im really insecure about my weight, but arent we all?
Yesterday i joined a new 24 hr gym its the best. and because of the holidays i got a great deal! they offer a lot of classes. i plan on taking, yoga, pilates, and belly dancing. it sounds sooo much fun. its just a really great atmosphere. i got my bf a membership also as an early Xmas present. hes actually trying to gain weight. typical.
On thursday my semester is officially over.im so relieved. ill do nothing but work and work out this entire break. i figure by New Years i can be down atleast 15 or 20 more pounds. Does that sound ridiculous? my bf goes through bouts of worry. i then try to calm him by saying its only temporary blah, blah, blah. it seems to work. he flip flops between supporting me and not. he doesnt want me to get hurt. i keep reassuring him that im absolutely fine.and ive been covering my tracks by telling my parents and friends that ive been going to the gym and watching my diet. everytime thy call i make it a point to say im just walking into the gym or back from a run. so, once they see me they wont be totally shocked at my loss. theyll think im doing in the "right" way.
I want to be in a tiny, tight dress for New Years. havent decided if ill do something with the bf and his fam/friends or go to Vegas with my bestfriend. me and him have had 2 new years together, but this is our first actually being together, in the same state. since im usually home with the family.
I plan on taking my first yoga class on thursday. once finals are done. i even bought some cute new exercise outfits. ill be wearing pink and black :)
im also finally getting to the salon on thursday.
I almost forgot. have you guys seen the previews for Black Swan with Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis? it looks absolutely amazing!! im still a dancer at heart so i have to see it. its only playing in select theatres and the closest one to me is almost 2 hrs away. and since i just got the gym memberships i cant afford the gas and movie tickets. so i wont be able to go. im so bummed! guess thats the sacrifice you make for beauty. i heard it wasnt being released nationally until March of next year. to see if its in your area check out BlackSwan2010.com
so, thats it for me, i hope you girls are doing well :)
all 42 of you!!!
idk if ive ever said my goal weight, but it was 120. ive decided to change it to 125. right now im 173. its so disgusting. i think ill post a picture tonight. but only if you thin, beautiful girls promise not to poke fun :(. im really insecure about my weight, but arent we all?
Yesterday i joined a new 24 hr gym its the best. and because of the holidays i got a great deal! they offer a lot of classes. i plan on taking, yoga, pilates, and belly dancing. it sounds sooo much fun. its just a really great atmosphere. i got my bf a membership also as an early Xmas present. hes actually trying to gain weight. typical.
On thursday my semester is officially over.im so relieved. ill do nothing but work and work out this entire break. i figure by New Years i can be down atleast 15 or 20 more pounds. Does that sound ridiculous? my bf goes through bouts of worry. i then try to calm him by saying its only temporary blah, blah, blah. it seems to work. he flip flops between supporting me and not. he doesnt want me to get hurt. i keep reassuring him that im absolutely fine.and ive been covering my tracks by telling my parents and friends that ive been going to the gym and watching my diet. everytime thy call i make it a point to say im just walking into the gym or back from a run. so, once they see me they wont be totally shocked at my loss. theyll think im doing in the "right" way.
I want to be in a tiny, tight dress for New Years. havent decided if ill do something with the bf and his fam/friends or go to Vegas with my bestfriend. me and him have had 2 new years together, but this is our first actually being together, in the same state. since im usually home with the family.
I plan on taking my first yoga class on thursday. once finals are done. i even bought some cute new exercise outfits. ill be wearing pink and black :)
im also finally getting to the salon on thursday.
I almost forgot. have you guys seen the previews for Black Swan with Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis? it looks absolutely amazing!! im still a dancer at heart so i have to see it. its only playing in select theatres and the closest one to me is almost 2 hrs away. and since i just got the gym memberships i cant afford the gas and movie tickets. so i wont be able to go. im so bummed! guess thats the sacrifice you make for beauty. i heard it wasnt being released nationally until March of next year. to see if its in your area check out BlackSwan2010.com
so, thats it for me, i hope you girls are doing well :)
all 42 of you!!!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Day 4 blurrred.
this week has flewn by in sucha blur! i feel jipped, but atleast the semesters almost over. Sorry, for not posting yesterday. i figured since ive done the 10 day fast just a short while ago that u guys probably didnt wanna see a day by day update....again.
on to other news. i just spent $70 at MAC. i wanted to try their foundation and i got a few brushes. MAC gets me every time. i spend atleast $50 every visit. and the kicker is....i dont even wear make up. well, definetly not on an consistent basis. i wore foundation at prom and i wear mascara like 2 or 3 times a month. so, what do i spend all this money on you may ask. i have no freaking clue.
I need to stop spending money!! the more i spend the less ill have in january when my seasonal position is over. i was doing so good. but its like a domino effect. i spend a little too much one day and then im outta control.
when the fast is over im going to eat one meal a day.
ive chosen a salad probably around noonish
Salad ingredients:
Spinach/Romaine lettuce
boiled egg
cubed ham
cayenne pepper- helps burn fat
and olive oil dressing instead of ranch
i mix the oil w. salt & pepper to add some flavor.
this sounds like a million calories. but probably 200-400, which is pretty good for an entire say.
i figure if i stay on tht meal plan until Jan. 1st and exercise everyday ill lose a good amount. Oh! cant forget about green tea. high in antioxidants and helps speed up metabolism. i know it wont help me drop 10 pounds in a day, but ill take all the help i can get!!
have a beautiful weekend pretty girls, all 42 of you! :)
on to other news. i just spent $70 at MAC. i wanted to try their foundation and i got a few brushes. MAC gets me every time. i spend atleast $50 every visit. and the kicker is....i dont even wear make up. well, definetly not on an consistent basis. i wore foundation at prom and i wear mascara like 2 or 3 times a month. so, what do i spend all this money on you may ask. i have no freaking clue.
I need to stop spending money!! the more i spend the less ill have in january when my seasonal position is over. i was doing so good. but its like a domino effect. i spend a little too much one day and then im outta control.
when the fast is over im going to eat one meal a day.
ive chosen a salad probably around noonish
Salad ingredients:
Spinach/Romaine lettuce
boiled egg
cubed ham
cayenne pepper- helps burn fat
and olive oil dressing instead of ranch
i mix the oil w. salt & pepper to add some flavor.
this sounds like a million calories. but probably 200-400, which is pretty good for an entire say.
i figure if i stay on tht meal plan until Jan. 1st and exercise everyday ill lose a good amount. Oh! cant forget about green tea. high in antioxidants and helps speed up metabolism. i know it wont help me drop 10 pounds in a day, but ill take all the help i can get!!
have a beautiful weekend pretty girls, all 42 of you! :)
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