venting!

ughh! im so fucking agitated right now. and i realllly need to take it out on someone. it'll most likely be my bf. mean, right? he just irks me so much sometimes. actually, to be honest, its not even him. i just get so pissed at my self that i have to find someone to blame it on before i implode. this fucking statistics class is stupid. the fact that i ran over my iphone is really fucking stupid. and the fact that my tutor for math is never there is outrageuosly reallllyyyy fuckinggg stupidd!!!! ugh. i wanna blow this bitch up.

okayyyy!!! now i can go back to me normal self.....hello, everyone, i hope your day is going splendid. since mine is destroyed. i hope you guys are thin and using control.

ive been doing good this week as far as my intake. but i have not been to the gym once this entire week, PATHETIC! im going to go tomorrow morning if i can drag my fat ass out of bed. ive been trying to ease back into eating. because ive been having horrible abdominal pains. i think the layers of my stomach are rubbing against each other..well thats my theory. anyway, to help with the eating process im doing what i like to call intake bootcamp. im basically training my stomach to want less food and liquid. they say all it takes is 3 days to make or break a habit. which i believe because when i first started cheering i really wanted to do the splits. and i practice for 2 days, hardcore. and i got it. i was so thrilled. so i plan on applying that technique here. ive been eat around 200-300 cals a day. but last night i was congratulating myself on my will power and pumping my head up. so i decided that i deserved a treat. i got a footlong sub. and ate the  ENTIRE thing. at first i only ate half, and i was waiting for the full feeling to kick in. it usually does when im doing "intake bootcamp". because i barely eat anything so when i finally eat a normal serving of food i feel beyond stuffed. but this time that didnt happen. weird. so i ate the other half. and i felt like death. my stomach was rejecting it. i was in pain for about 20 minutes. then i had to run to the bathroom. it was like i took a handful of laxatives. idk what happened. but my body did not want that delicious sandwich in me. which is fine by me.

so today im not eating anything.  its 4pm nnow and im just now starting to get hungry. but i stare at thinspo for a few minutes and im ok. its so easy to not eat when i have class everyday. last semester i only had class 2 days a week. so the other 5 days i just layed in bed consuming as much food as i could. now im always in the car or class or exhasuted. i love it. keeping myself busy does wonders for my intake.

im trying to decide if i should go the gym in the mornings or evenings. my afternoons and evenings are so busy. monday thru thursday i dont get out of class until 645 then i rush to the gym. but thats not going to work because GOSSIP GIRL is coming back on monday. and i dont want to miss a single second of it. my other choice is to go to the gym in the morning but id have to wake up around 9 or 10ish. which isnt that bad.  but its my first semester in a long time where all my classes start at 12 or 1. so i finally get to sleep in. and i dont wanna have to wake up. this ladies, is what you call a rock and a hard place lol.

i have some newfound motivation. my bestfriend is coming to visit in early march. shes much thinner than i am. but she isnt ecxactly skinny. my ultimate goal is to be way thinner than her. shes not my competition or anything. i just dont want it to be sunny and she wants to go the beach in a bathing suit. and i have to wear jeans and a sweater. plus, she never thinks i can lose weight or stick to a diet. and she'll "innocently" poke fun at my weight. its just annoying. so i have exactly 40 days to lose as much weight as humanly possible. wish me luck.

rememeber, self control is the only thing standing in the way of who you are and who you deserve to be. you can do it!