Introduction

Hi, my name is Sara im 20 years old and this is just a blog about me. I dont expect it to get popular nor obtain a lot of followers. I simply just want to want to express my self anonymously. As this is my first blog im trying to develop my writing style. Just a heads up, i will probably not capitalize everything, punctuate correctly, or form complete sentences. This is not school, Im here to vent not win a grammar contest. Im in a loving committed relationship with my boyfriend and Im also in school. Im sure throughout this experience ill be hopping around different subject matter but I mainly want to talk about my eating habits. Ive never said this outloud before but Im fat. I mean I've said it to my bf on several occasions but Im sure hes sick of hearing it but still it feels weird to say it to a site full of strangers, if anybody is reading this. For starters, im black most people think that black girls want to be thick and well rounded and look like every other video ho out there, but no. Not all of us desire to be overweight and die of a heart attack from fried foods at age 30. I am extremely self-conscious. I have bad and good days. One day ill think im pretty and the next i just wanna hide out because of the shame. I hate my body and this is already taking an emotional toll on me. i think i have an obsession with my size and others. all  day, whether im in class, at the mall, with friends....wherever. i constantly take into account everyones shape and size. i desire to look like a skinny minny, hence my blog name. Im not sure if ill take the anorexic route or not, seeing as ive struggled with it for a while now. ive never been bullemic. the thought of my face being near a toilet is disgusting, but i applaud those of you who can. my bf tells me all the time that im pretty and he likes my stomach and all that. but its not enough i need more than that, i wanna wear itty bitty bikins and size 2 or 5 jeans. i dont wanna bury myself in fashionable cardigans and hoodies to cover my jiggly fat. Im 5'8 so luckily, for now,  people have a hard time seeing im overweight. I wont say my weight until im comfortable with it. but my goal weight is 140 maybe 135. for some anorexics that may seem toooo much but for my body size and type id look little, as i would like. ive been 140 at my size before, everyone said i should model, said how skinny i was, how pretty, how theyd kill to be my size. i took it for granted. then my late night munching and overbearing sweet tooth took its toll, its like i woke up and i was ginormous. i hate being FAT!. my bf is supportive of me working out and stuf but im soooo lazy. being a biology major I have what i like to call potential energy (or stored energy, i have the potential to be put into motion but currently am at a stand still) I strive for kinetic energy (actual energy put into motion). basically, i have the will to go run 10 miles but when it comes down to it id rather lay in the bed. i just hope i can get some support maybe some good advice. my lack of will power is very disconcerting but ill try my hardest to stop eating and start running.

Wish me luck. ttus :)