taxes!

are a mother loving bitch!

i need a kind gentle soul to teach me how. im heading over to H&R block in an hour.
hopefully they dont try to scam me.
idk why im nervous.
but seing as im a poor college student. emphasis on poor.
i could really use all the extra change i can get my hands on.
i guess i have a give a little to get a little.

ahhhhhhhhhh, wish me luck.

rainy days

make me want to stay in with natalie portamn/julia roberts movies and binge. and im about to have a reallly unhealthy before school snack. probably because i didnt get to the gym this morning but im going right after class. i find that when i dont go in the morning i kinda slack for the rest of the day. my hair is awful today and i have no idea what to wear. but i must get up and face chemistry.

i need a freakin job, too. like im pretty broke right now. hopefully my parents feel like being generous.

i hope you guys are being thin and beautiful. cuz right now, im realllly not feeling it.

motivation

watching lifetime. oh, how addicting. i should be studying or doing laundry. instead im sitting on my brand new pink carpet (i looove it) and im stretching. im trying to gain my flexibility back. as long as ive been dancing, ive never been able to do the center splits.

today is the super bowl. so im making beef nachos for the bf. luckily im not a beef fan so i wont be tempted. but i might indulge on some chocolate chip cookies. i know im a bad girl. i promise ill do my best to refreain. im so close to my goal i can feel it . just a little longer and a little more strength.

a tid bit of thinspo to keep me focused :

God i wish i was her..sarah jessica/carrie bradshaw. fucking loooove her/them!

i wish i knew how to tag people, but i got the MK&A pictures from a fellow blogger.

my wonderul friday night

i spent the majority of it sleeping. And since ive been a complete lard ass alllll week. my bf hauled my ass into the gymdespite the tsunami outside. i really love him. he really kicked my ass into gear tonight. iwas like babe i dont feel like going to the gym tonight my weight is fine and ive had zero cals today. and he was like fine you dont deserve to lose weight. you'll never meet your go if you stay in bed being a bum. so this is how ended up out of bed.

weight: 172.0

ive basically been maintaining. but i need to really start going at it. especially since ive shitted away week 1 of my "hardcore" six week program. ugh.

Imperfection at it's best

I wish my boyfriend thought i was perfect. who doesn't, right? it's just really sad that he doesn't. i think im pretty good at making him happy and being supportive and all that good stuff. but mostly i just want him to think my body is perfect. i know he genuinely loves me and he constantly tells me im beautiful and sexy but i wish i was his ideal of perfection. we just rated each others body parts. he rated certain body parts lower than i expected him too. but of course i took it all in stride and acted really nonchalant about it. i just want him to be pdroud of my body. he likes to show me off to his friend cuz he thinks im pretty but thats not enough. i just really want to be skinny so bad. im doing good on my fast. im craving pepperoni pizza with stuffed crust and chocolate chip cookies (my ultimate weakness) but everytime i think about caving in i think about my bf and how badly i wantt o be perfect for him. its such a slow process though. i spend so much timetalking abput how thin i want to be and how fat i feel. i know hes fed up with it. he just says if you want it so bad stop talking about it nd do it. so thats what im going to do. im not going to eat And then feel the entire weekend being depressed. im going to starve until all the intertube around my stomachand thighs are gone. i want to look fragile and delicate. i want to stroll along the beach in a bikini and for him to be able to lift me with ease.

ill get there. i promise.

Going strong..kinda

well im still doing well i would lose one pound and the next hour it would be back hanging happily on my hips. ahhhh well. im still basking in the glory of everything that im not too upset about it. my fast isnt over until the 5 th but im thinking about extending it til the 7th or 8th. we shall see if i can muster up the will power.

im currently sitting at the salon waiting toget my hairdone as per usual. im actually kind of pissed. i chose this hair salon because they did sucha good job with my roomies hair that i decided to foronce give myself a week off and let somebodyelse deal with it. they're website said no waiting....and im fucking waiting. ithoroughly explained to the receptionist that i had to be out by 12:30 because i have 1 p.m. class. but shes such a sweetie that i cant bear to get an attitude with her.

ok so once again ive slacked in the gym department. i know ima failure. but i had a chem and history test this week so in the mornings i had a quick cram session. butt im going tomorrow and saturday. hopefully

great day...not so good night

well that statistics test i was so worried about last week was returned today....i gotta A!!!! and i got my first chem lab paper back and i got a A!! take that academic probation.

so all in all today was pretty damn fantastic i chatted with my buddy Eager Enid, i know its the first day. but shes so supportive and a sweet girl. i love her already, we have sooo much in common. its really great.

i also had some chiken lettuce wraps, they were sooo delicious and under 500 cals i called in to pf changs and picked it up. i cant wait to start making them on my own. ive already got a few simple recipes planned to get me started. of course the inevitable happened. i had a small gain because of the food. but im confident it will be off by morning. its only 1.6 pounds. yesterday i had a midday gain and it was gone by the next morning.

the bf and i are fighting....i think. hes acting all moody and silent and weird. but he wont leave hes in my room studying. if i were mad at someone id want to not be around them. but hes ass backwards. hell just stay here studying at my desk all night making me feel awkward. i swear to god i love him. but hes weird and annoying sometimes. wait, i just found out hes mad that i accepted a friend request from my ex bf from 2007 and hes upset. im just gunna deactivate my accnt. stupid boy.